Hollywood dipping its toes into utilizing some of the most popular intellectual properties is nothing new, especially after the incredible box office sensation that was Barbie. Ever since that success, it was always a given that properties pertaining to toys would be afforded their own chance, and that’s proved to be the case with Matchbox the Movie, Apple TV’s latest straight-to-streaming offering. Unfortunately, rather than capturing the magic that made the Matchbox brand a household name, what they’ve served up is an incredibly bland action thriller that feels more like exploitation than celebration.
The story follows Sean Walker (John Cena), a covert CIA agent embarking on a top-secret mission to procure a nuclear warhead and hand it directly over to an international arms dealer. If that sounds preposterous, that’s because it most definitely is. No real background is given to the operation or whether it’s part of an elaborate sting. Instead, audiences are simply expected to go along with it without ever questioning just how bafflingly far-fetched the entire premise is from the very beginning.
His current life is a far cry from the one he left behind as a child. The opening scene provides one of the few fleeting moments of connection to the Matchbox brand as he and his friends play with the cars, with Walker displaying a shy and unassuming demeanor, unable to even make a move on the girl he fancies. Having not returned for decades, he’s called back to the small town where he grew up to attend the funeral of Smalley (Bill Camp). There, he reunites with his old “Matchbox Gang,” including his childhood crush Aimee (Jessica Biel), as well as best friends Crosby (Sam Richardson), Charmain (Teyonah Parris), and Teddy (Arturo Castro).
Unbeknownst to the group, though, after a brief period of reminiscing about the past, things kick up a gear as they’re drugged and kidnapped following the disappearance of the warhead Walker was supposed to deliver. However, there’s more to the situation than initially meets the eye, as the missing weapon exposes a deeply concealed power struggle at the very top. The friends now face a race against time to save not only themselves but potentially alter the course of the future.
Penned for the screen by David Coggeshall, the writing was on the wall from fairly early on that the script would suffer the same unfortunate fate as much of his filmography to date. Rather than crafting something that celebrates the IP it’s based on, it falls into the exact same category as countless straight-to-streaming action thrillers. It feels like a tick-box exercise as it slowly meanders toward an inevitable conclusion that’s painfully obvious from the outset, with the odd action sequence thrown in just to make sure the audience stays awake.
It’s unfortunately as generic as it gets, with nothing remotely fresh or intriguing about the movie. That ensures you can painstakingly see every single minor twist and turn Coggeshall tries to throw in, leaving the entire experience devoid of any meaningful tension. Even when moments of jeopardy are introduced, they’re almost instantly resolved, never allowing anything to truly marinate. The result is practically a complete snoozefest that’s genuinely difficult to sit through. Given that the Matchbox brand is anything but boring and has entertained generations of people, that’s perhaps the most insulting part of it all.
Despite having his hands essentially tied by the poor script, director Sam Hargrave, alongside his stunt team, has done his best to at least provide some solid and fairly enjoyable action sequences that make Matchbox the Movie just about bearable. They’re ultimately spread too thin across the overstuffed and unnecessarily lengthy screenplay, but when they do arrive, they provide a small, much-needed adrenaline boost for what is most likely going to be a weary audience watching at home.
Even when it comes to the central themes of friendship and loyalty, the film largely misses the mark. While the writing certainly doesn’t help, none of the otherwise strong cast manages to do anything to elevate the material. Particularly disappointing is the lack of chemistry between leads Cena and Biel, which makes it difficult to root for any prospective romance. Arturo Castro, however, is noticeably trying his hardest and arguably delivers some of the most memorable moments of the entire picture, although that’s really not saying too much, unfortunately.
As the closing moments finally arrive following what feels like an incredibly drawn-out final act, Matchbox the Movie makes one last attempt to ram the IP down your throat, just to make sure you actually remember what it was supposedly celebrating. But all it really serves as is the curtain closing on a thoroughly dull and utterly forgettable straight-to-streaming action flick that can almost immediately be filed away in the slop cabinet alongside countless other movies of the same ilk.
