Remember War of the Worlds from last year and how it had quite possibly the most egregious use of product placement to ever grace film? Well, Prime Video have struck again, because Relationship Goals, a new rom-com starring Kelly Rowland, is essentially a 90 minute advert for a romance book of the same name that just so happens to be free when you sign up for a trial period of Amazon’s audiobook service Audible. Convenient, right?

If you haven’t heard of the book, that’s probably for the best. It was written by American megachurch pastor Michael Todd, who also pops up for a brief cameo along the way. So as well as being a glorified advertisement, Relationship Goals is heavily faith based. That in itself is not a bad thing, but when that faith is weaponised in the way it is here and delivered so heavy handedly in its preaching about how relationships should align with religion, it becomes overwhelming rather than engaging.

As for the film itself, Relationship Goals follows Leah (Kelly Rowland), a TV producer at the biggest morning news show who is next in line to take over from her boss and run the entire thing. A spanner is soon thrown into the works when her ex Jarrett (Cliff “Method Man” Smith) is brought in by the network as competition, with the winner taking the crown. With unresolved feelings simmering and a Valentine’s Day assignment forcing them to work together, the premise at least starts off moderately interesting. That interest quickly fades once the project centred around the book is revealed and the relentless advertising and preaching begins.

From there, Relationship Goals hits practically every rom-com trope imaginable, just in a far less engaging way than we’ve seen countless times before. It’s not helped by the lack of chemistry between Rowland and Smith, who are individually quite likeable, but together feel awkwardly paired and ultimately unconvincing.

Then there’s the supporting cast, made up of Leah’s best friends who feel incredibly shoehorned in and are about as generic as characters come. There’s the ageing, single and painfully desperate friend (Annie Gonzalez) who is willing to date just about anyone in order to settle down, until the magical book swoops in to save her. And then there’s the friend whose long-term boyfriend refuses to commit (Robin Thede), until once again the book provides a quick fix to her problems. They say there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but the film would have you believe that if you follow this book to the letter, all your dreams will come true. And remember, it’s for sale on Amazon right now.

It doesn’t help that for a rom-com it’s painfully unfunny throughout. Each gag feels more forced than the last, and I thought it was common knowledge that the harder you try to be funny, the less funny you actually are. Unfortunately that message clearly didn’t reach Pastor Michael Todd when writing the script, because unlike his magical book, this film isn’t conjuring up a laugh anytime soon.

Perhaps it’s my own fault for going into Relationship Goals completely blind, knowing nothing beyond the one line synopsis on Prime Video’s site. Even so, straight to streaming rom-coms are rarely this unfunny, unconvincing, or such a complete waste of time. I don’t know about you, but I certainly won’t be lining up to buy the book after sitting through this garbage.